Running through time,

Should’ve probably confessed this to you sooner, but I’m a dreamer. I guess I have too many things running through my unconscious that I tend to dream almost every night. They say people only remember the last 5 minutes of their dreams. So based on that I can assume that the last 5 minutes was the climax of my story.

You see, I had a dream, but now I have a theory. Last night and almost every other night before I go to bed I have the most random conversations with one of my fellow Capricorn friends (trust me the fact that were both Capricorn is very relevant), and the topic last night happened to be friendship and deciding between two friends and such.

TIME

In my dream, there was guy. Looked about 19 years old with long black hair that hit his shoulders but covered half his face. He’s an inventor. He created a way to move through time to push himself to different locations. (Basically I’ve been playing Plants vs. Zombies as the Scientist way too much and I’ve been watching Shark Tank too hence the invention) It was a fast scene. There was this girl and she was hanging out with a group of guys. This boy used to be friends with them but for some reason he wasn’t anymore and the girl decided to pick the group over him. The scene was set through small alleys. Seemed like London to me then this boy bumped into his old friends by mistake and then suddenly the girl grabbed his hand and they started running away. He started using his creation to run faster to get away from them. The scene changed to this massive room with a lot of computers and someone was watching the scene from above and they were asking some other person how this kid was moving so fast.

Then I realized that I wrote a YA novel in my mind in like less than 5 minutes.

Then I was like whoa.

Then I laughed because my ex used to have long black hair but this kid look nothing like him.

I want to develop this story a little bit more. Maybe I’ll start writing it.

But anyhow, life has been a little hectic for me because I’m in school 2 days a week then I work for the rest of it. I’m looking into a bunch of things right now since I graduate in a year. So I want to find a good internship. I want to start saving enough to be able to invest. Maybe I can pay off my loan that way. I opened a savings account and a new checking account with Capital One which I’m excited about. I also applied for a new credit card with them, the Quicksilver rewards. I love this cash back on every purchase. Makes me be a better customer I think and a better shopper. I have 4 Credit cards in total. I’m going to close my Chase checking account soon because frankly I don’t want to be connected to Chase more than I have to and because with Capital One checking I get cash back just for paying my bills, loans ect. Sounds like a better deal. Been managing my finances with the Mint app for Windows Phone. I love it. I can track everything in one place and calculate what I can improve on. Plus I would’ve never thought of opening a new checking’s account or a savings without their hints. Great app!

So my goals are to start saving more, finish paying off all my credit cards by the end of the summer, which might happen in less than 2 months with all these hours I’m getting at the moment and lastly I want find a good internship.

We’ll see how it goes. I need to keep reading and start writing. I’ve been so tired I’m running on barely anything. Guess my last goal should be to get through this semester in one piece.

So on to this Capricorn business. Haha, pun sort of intended. I think, as a Capricorn and what people classify me as an all around business person that it makes my sign seem kinda goal oriented… which we are and can be but I think the fact that we create goals makes us very loyal people. The fact that we stick to them makes us unique too. We aren’t happy until we succeed which is why I’m proud to be a Capricorn. I’d just wish people would stop applying that idea to just business. I’m the same way with love too. Love isn’t a business to me but I’m very loyal to it. In life however, I guess that’s why I don’t like wasting time. Not cause time is money but because time, is life.

Finding happiness through a telescope

The journey to anywhere is really long and sometimes boring. Regardless of the fact I have to start taking it. Yesterday I pretty much flipped my lid off on here. I apologize. My love, my love life is really complicated. Maybe one day I’ll tell you in detail but I don’t feel like writing a novel right now.

It’s difficult because men have been a crucial part of my life and while their hard to understand, I find comfort in their madness. I’ve come back to the point where it’s ok for me to feel this lost. I just want to try and be happy now for the sake of all theses distractions.

Starting with my financial situation.

Student Loan balance as of right now $41,090. I’m going to try and that down to under $40,000 by the end of the year seeing as my principal balance only goes down $21 with each $400 payment. Ridiculous, I know. But I’m a Capricorn and Business and money are supposed to be my forte. So is planning which is why I have some idea of how I’ll manage this. I’m not going to sit here and bash Chase for getting me to sign something I clearly did not understand when I was 18 years old, but I actually know about federal loans. I’d be a lot happier now. Hopefully the law changes in the future and makes paying private student loans easier.

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I’m at the library right now. Don’t know what it is about being surrounded by knowledge that is so calming to me. I just feel free and relaxed. Like I’m doing yoga or something.

I’m still reading Sherlock. Though I must say I haven’t been reading too much because I’ve been working so much. But I get paid Friday. I’m looking forward to that check so I can pay off my credit cards and the rent. Sometimes I swear I spend money thinking that I’m never going to be this age again with the opportunity of buying something like this. But I’m starting to get everything together. I opened a Checking and Savings account with Capital One and I applied for another credit card. So in all I have 4 credit cards. I’m almost done paying some off so I’ll be in good standing soon. For me, everything is happening at the end of the week. I have to register for classes and plan something for the summer.

I want to stop thinking that in the future I’ll look back and hate my 20’s for how much stuff I’ve gone through. I just want to be happy.

For now that’s all I’ll try to be.

Chanel, mademoiselle

The problems with making moves has been told from angles that seem to make the flow unmanageable at best.

Peter Delia is the type of fellow who invested his time in seeking one particular artifact. “Vintage, classic and rare” he describes it as. He follows his pursuits trying to detect where in the world it could possibly lie now. The problem however is that, when poor old Peter seems to think he found this classic beauty he’s proven wrong by his own interpretation. He picks at each factor, following the structure of his own creation in his search for the imperfect rarity.

It’s a shame for such a fellow to be failing at his task so often. He moves and tries over and over at this task, his passion! Which has taken so much of his time in contemplation he decides to give up and change his structure. For by now, his heart has gone numb through the trials and tribulations he’s put himself through.

It’s been a handful of days since I’ve last written. An update of course on the thief in the break room, the suspect, I hear went through an investigation and has been fired. So that’s that. Hopefully everyone’s wallets will be a little safer now. I use a lock so I don’t care much.

I’ll be honest I’m not particularly in a good mood. I really should be happier. Yesterday I went to pick up my vintage Chanel bag in the mail. Which looks like this:

chanel2

So I’ll try to briefly explain my love for Chanel in general. First of I remember always loving the name, Chanel! Unique, intriguing and to the point which is what I can describe myself as in a way. I remember the stories of the 2.55 bag, the love story of Boy Chapel and Chanel and then came Keira Knightley. She happens to be my favorite actress who also stared in my favorite movie of all time, Pride & Prejudice. So when the video Coco Mademoiselle came out, I loved it instantly because the whole thing is how I pictured what a Mademoiselle in Paris, like me, would be doing in the middle of the night just going off into the street looking for the next thing. After that I ended up buying the perfume, which I love because it makes be feel secure even when I’m feeling nervous or stressed out.

chanel1

I picked a bucket bag for a few reasons. First, Burgundy is like ruby which is my birthstone, secondly I wanted a bag not really for going out to dinner but for all my adventures. It’s leather so it’s strong. It reminds me of the bag Hermione from Harry Potter uses to have everything the trio needed to survive in their adventure. That’s what I was going for. A bag that I could put my hand inside and grab by Sony HEX 6 and start taking pictures, or my nook and start reading and ect. I just wanted that experience. I’m still young, so I’m not going out of dates and doing elegant things all the time right now. I’m a mademoiselle! So I need to focus on just soaking up knowledge from different angles. I’ll get my 2.55 bag later on.

But for now, I’m kind of in love with my bag. Anytime I look at it, it just makes me happy.

🙂

My love for Pride & Prejudice is completely based on words and cinematography. It’s just entirely such a well directed film. Joe Wright is ridiculously talented. Compared to the previous P&P show that everyone loved, I actually prefer Matthew Macfadyen. His moments throughout the film always feel so genuine, which I’m assuming is a sign of a great actor. I just can’t ever get over them. Mr. Darcy was designed by Jane Austen to be the guy that every woman (who I think can stand up for themselves) will fall for. It’s always easy to fall in love with some characters because depending on how it’s written you know what’s in their head. But not with Mr. Darcy. He’s special because he’s stubborn but not foolish, strong but sensitive, bold and honest… frankly I think the fact that he’s rich supplies more to the story than his persona because the fact that she turned him down, riches and all was supposed to show that money isn’t everything, people are.

But, Mr. Darcy is an interesting one. I daresay I love him more than Sherlock himself, mostly because Sherlock has a drug problem and I hate it when guys smoke around me. However, I’ve been reading Sherlock and it’s been going great. I can’t wait to get to Moriarty. But I digress. I think in the end Mr. Darcy doesn’t exist and he’s just a figment of my wonderful imagination. But for now I’ll still watch the movie over and over telling myself that the has to be some other person out there in my time that has the balls to do what he did and say what he said.

Today, everyone is just like Peter Delai.
I dare say I’m Jaded.
But where has all the magic gone?
Maybe like me it’s just lost in time.

April Bound

Once upon a time in a sea of buildings, there lived this girl caught in a cloud of smoke. Sometimes even through this smoke she managed to see some beautiful things. It’s not often through the sea of buildings that you get to see such amazing structures. Even through all the smoke.

gothic

I spent the last couple of days sort of… everywhere. Mind, body and soul.

So, I went a little nuts and finally bought a Vintage Chanel bag.

😀

I get it in April, so pictures will come. Can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am about it. It’s a milestone in my life that no one will ever really understand. I know I will feel like I’m carrying a piece of history anytime I go on my adventures. As of late I’m already planning some. I think if you always carry a little piece of history with you than you’re only bound to find some adventures. The reason why it’s so important is because of it’s history. I love history. Sometimes I just go through the hours wishing I was part of past changes. Everything is so slow these years and it takes 50 years just to get though one thing. That’s why I have to try to make my own changes to my future history.

One thing I’m trying to do is start taking pictures again. I’ve been slacking for a long time. I’m taking myself out on a date tomorrow to the MET. I need more inspiration and art is my favorite. The MET is probably my favorite place in the city. It’s like a maze if you have time to go through all the secret tunnels.

It was also my best friends birthday this week which was fun. I baked a cake and foodgasmed for days on. However I’m still going to the gym and staying in shape but this for sure was a cheat week for me.
But hey I did have some fruit too!

fruit

So I’ll be spending the rest of the night on my new Xbox which my best friend bought for me. I need to get better at controlling my Titan on Titanfall among other things. I’ll leave you with this selfie of my bunny and me.

bunny

Daydreams

weightedbythegods

I keep dreaming of London even if I’ve never been there. Lost through alleys full of brick roads. What an adventure that would be. I wish I was born in a different era. It seems like it’s much harder now to do what you want because there’s more responsibilities. I just need a time machine, my camera and some food. I would’ve found my way about.

Now a day’s , I spend my time wondering why is so hard to live happily.

Capitalism is the answer to that question really. The psychological effects it has on people almost seems like a joke. I am jaded. I am annoyed. I still don’t care.

Yet somehow I’m supposed to even with how disconnected it is.

It so easy to feel out of place when everyone expects you to do the exact same thing. The worst part is that even if you’re stuck in a crappy job you have to do it. And if you’re “following you passion” or “your dreams” you’re lucky as hell.

But I dream about everything. I can picture getting on a place and just getting out of Gotham for a bit. Before I continue I will say this, I love this damn city. It’s the people here that makes it not worth while. And even in Gotham city I feel trapped like there’s no where to go. Mind you this is one of the safest cities in the country with countless alleys I could be running through.

But in the end I’m tired of the people, the smoke cloud I’m forced to breathe anytime I get anywhere near downtown Manhattan, the people who walk like turtles like everyone else has enough time to walk at the same pace and the way nothing get’s enjoyed anymore. Gotham city feels like a tourist trap. It’s beautiful, yes. But I just want to be the tourist again.

I want to go to Spain.
Italy.
Rome.
France.

I want to eat AMAZING food.

I want to learn something new.

I need to.

I wish I could go to Egypt already.

What happened to not just wanting to be happy but needing to?

What happened to taking chances?

What happened to that magical feeling like at any moment anything could happen?

The way life is now, for me anyway, it’s designed to be completely routine. I have to be in certain places at certain times for whatever reasons.

I just don’t want to be there.

I hate being trained to be just like everyone else.

Freedom these days is sold in the form of retirement. But why can’t I be young and travel? So much time gets wasted in so many stupid things. In the end, they amount to nothing yet we still do them. I rarely get excited for anything anymore. People do things these days just to do it. We might as well rename the human race to depressed robots because in the end that is all we will amount to.

Yeah, I hear money doesn’t by happiness. I don’t need money to be happy. I just feel like I live on a planet at the end of the day. I live on a planet inside a galaxy surrounded by countless stars… and as small as that makes me feel, I want to enjoy this magical place.

Thinking about that just makes me feel better, even if tomorrow everything will stay the same.

Aesthetics

I’m not good with diaries. But I’ll be honest I’m starting this because I need to start writing again. The thing about writing is that these words are supposed to express what I am thinking about in my head… yet I don’t think in words. I suspect it’s the reason why I’m so horrible at spelling and why I could care less about improving that. Even if I do spend so much time reading…

But since I live in a time period, in which for the most part, people love to get to the point, I’ll keep these short.

888 words or less…I promise.

Why am I blogging?

Simple, I need to start getting used to telling stories again rather than keeping it to myself. I’ve been, sort of, blocking most of my creative thinking because of really confusing personal issues.

I barely know where to place my comas anymore.

Everything is my head, visually in moving pictures, it’s far more simple and to the point. However, that is also very lazy. I’ve realized that my writing voice has gotten a little bit more developed since a few years ago. It’s been that long. I’ve also come to the conclusion that since I’ve blocked out a lot of my aesthetic ability?

Such a weird way to put it but it’s true.

So here we are. But I will warn you I’m not good at finishing things. I keep complaining that there isn’t enough hours in the day because there aren’t. But I will try to continue this. It is JUST 888 words anyway.

So fck you twitter.

Why 888? Well I have a fascination with the number 8. I have for a while and yes I realized I should’ve typed eight but this isn’t my term paper. I was born on the 8th that will be your first clue.

blog1

Lately I’ve been watching Elementary, which to be honest it’s pretty disconnected modern take on THE Sherlock Holmes. But I don’t really like talking shit about things I don’t know about so I’ve been watching it. I guess this is when I’m inclined to express my love for the BBC Sherlock. It is brilliantly done. My reasoning for why I started watching Elementary I can’t attest to because I don’t remember. I can tell you when I started to get fascinated with him though.

It all started with the phrase “No Shit! Sherlock!”

It was sometime in JR High School spoken by one of 3 best friends at the time. I could’ve been Alexis or Sherly but I can picture Gilbert saying it for some reason… it was probably Sherly though, she was (and probably still is, we don’t talk much) rather smart.

Anyway, I figured that this Sherlock character mentioned in the phrase had to be rather smart. But the phrase implies almost that the person is trying to be smart by saying or pointing out something someone else already knew.

Well then, how was I supposed to know? I can’t read minds.

But after that phrase it made me want to a little bit.

Looking back at it now, I find it very funny that I knew Sherlock was a character without knowing he actually was.

Weird really.

Anyway, I think I’m going to stop watching Elementary now. I’m well past season 2 and I’m bored. Then out of curiosity (again) I watched the first episode of the first season of Sherlock because I couldn’t remember how Sherlock and Watson had gotten acquainted.

I’m no longer bored.

I bought the Complete Sherlock Volumes on my Nook and I will be spending a lot of time trying not to miss any details. I hate how characters can be a million times more interesting than people but they’re written by people.

Sometimes I’ll be on the train looking around blank faces and I’ll instantly judge them into a boring category. Thing is, I read because characters throughout history have been a million times more interesting than people. At least I think so. The thing is, everyone’s problems seems so pointless if you look at Earth from another galaxy. I say problems instead of personalities because to me people’s personalities have evolved to be their problems… that’s why I’m so bored.

I don’t care.

Sometimes I think I’m a sociopath but I feel too many emotions for my own good. So I must deduct that I am just bored. People are boring. It seemed to be more interesting in ancient times where everyone’s personality was a secret within a secret. Now, I just don’t care enough to even ask.

That way of thinking has made me a really crappy friend across the past few years. So in a way I am trying to find a way to appreciate people. Like religion I have a disdain for them.

I’m not claiming to be any different but I do claim to be a little weird. Why? Well I’m trying to figure that out. I suspect it will take many years.

Then again, who would know me better than me?

No Shit! Sherlock.